this fan is literally drunk

date: 04.11.2009
from: D.B. Reid, esq.
to: DM
re: this fan used to oscillate, it don't oscillate no more


"oscillated"

you can't hope to stop DM's vocab, you can only hope to contain it

date: 06.22.2009
from: SG
to: DM
re: words invading my lexicon

"I just used 'legit' twice in one conversation with my ceo. I blame you for this."

the least helpful outfit description ever

date: 06.26.2009
from: JMC
to: DM
re: can you help me figure out who i was dancing with last night?

"She was wearing some sort of flowing dress/skirt that may have been yellow. she maybe had a long sleeve top on. maybe. i don't know, man, help me out here."

tell us how you really feel about girls night out

date: 06.26.2009
from: AM
to: DM
re: it's been downhill since i took those shots at blind pig

@9:01pm

"3 questions: (1) why's mexican food so bad, (2) why r chicks so boring, and (3) how'd i get so drunk?"

@ 10:09pm

"Chicks... the usual... and the food's not good... and i'm bored... u?"

@ 10:11pm

"Aaaand now they've started talking about aerobics classes. uggghhh."

how to make soccer awesomer

date: 06.28.2009
from: GMG
to: DM
re: penalty kicks are a bullshit way to end important games

"The should do it like hockey -- keeping playing overtimes until someone scores or all the players die of dehydration"

note: i'm pretty sure he's not kidding... not that i disagree...

the right way to warm up for U.S. vs Brazil soccer

date: 06.28.2009
from: GMG
to: DM
re: why freedom is worth fighting for

@11:49am

"I just bourboned up my coffee. God bless america. And meat."

the type of text sure to motivate

date: 04.25.2009
from: CHu
to: DM
re: one way to get the evening started off right

"There are five drunk girls in my apartment"

despite evidence to contrary, it still seems like a good thing to give him booze

date: 04.08.2009
from: AM
to: DM
re: DB Reid is drunkenly ranting... again

@2:16am

"Reid just claimed that those who subscribe to the 'light the marshmellow on fire' school are douche-nozzles."

@2:25am

"Oh, and after that he launched into the prologue from Henry V."

good to know the cab driver has a variety of interests

date: 05.07.2007
from: AM
to: DM
re: things that make you question if you are going to actually arrive at your destination

@ 12:22 am

"My cabbie is talking about doing acid in thompkins square park"


@ 12:29am

"OMG the cabbie just gave me his acting coach's brochure"

god save the english language

date: 05.06.2009

from: DB Reid, esq.

to: DM

re: the conversion of the d.b. reid's vocab to that of a 17 year-old female is nearly complete

"I totes just ralphed."

well that explains why she's always carrying rope

date:05.10.2009

from: CHu

to: DM

re: so how'd the rest of your night go?

"Wrangled a drunk birthday girl. Wrangled a large southerner. Ate pizza. Passed out. The usual."

doing a two-beer funnel at a party thrown by the gays

date: 05.16.2009

from: Duff

to: DM

re: everyone was totally impressed when i added the second beer

"It was a feat that surpassed gay standards"

that's how you do it... that's how you give a talk about lawyer-ing

date: 05.26.2009

from: JD

to: DM

re: giving a talk about being a lawyer to 12th graders in the bronx

"Just crushed my guest appearance in Kevyn's class. Complete domination."

kickball night strikes again

date: 05.29.2009

from: Sas

to: DM

re: it's 8:31 in the god damn morning... i should soooo not be awake right now

"I think I left my self-respect on the floor at coppersmith's. I don't suppose you picked it up for me when you left..."

let's do this

date: 05.27.2009

from: SCo

to: DM

re: reunion is this weekend... be ready

"I just packed the American Honey.* Game on."

*American Honey is a type of bourbon made by wild turkey. GMG hates it for being too sweet, but the ladies love it.

inconvenient truths, drunkenly shared

date: 05.29.2009

from: ED

to: DM

re: the fact that the Tappan Zee bridge has outlived it's initial expected life-span

"I want you to know that every time I cross the Tappan Zee bridge I have a panic attack and it's all your fault."

what modern cell phone technology was created for

date: 03.14.2009
from: ET
to: DM (and others)
re: the things needed to make a marriage work


@9:33pm

“All – I want kfc and need your help. Please text my wife pleading for me to have kfc."

(note: It worked. KFC was purchased within 15 minutes.)

awesome on many levels

date: 04.03.2009
from: AM
to: DM
re: the Fordham Barrister’s Ball celebrations


"R u gonna pussy out on the afterparty like christina (sic) reid, or r u gonna have some balls?”

a succinct walk-through of my night

date: 04.04.2009
from: SM
to: DM
re: it is being broughten tonight

(note: all times CT)


@10:39pm

"I now own a shot glass necklace."


@11:29pm

"I just called 'amateur hour' on some guy that tried to set up Beirut with only six cups."


@2:31am

"I won flip cup."


@3:07am

"I am awseum (sic) at flip cup."

what music says about you

date: 04.11.2009

re: tastes

(1 of 3 – the query)

from: CR

to: DM and AM

“Am I gay for liking the Scissor Sisters?”

(2 of 3 – the response)

from: DM

to: CR

“Naaaa. The Scissor Sisters are pretty legit. I wouldn’t worry about it.

(3 of 3 – the alternate view)

from: AM

to: CR

“Liking Scissor Sisters is totally gay. Enjoy the parade.”

didn't see that answer coming

date: 05.02.2009

from: CM

to: DM

re: where you guys at?

"At burlesque show. Adam attacked by ninja. He survived."

bold claims

date: 05.03.2009

from: BH/DM

to: DM/BH

re: exciting late night challenges

@ 1:25 am DM to BH

"I just challenged Frank to the Seafair 5K in Seattle. We should buy tix."

@ 1:27 AM BH to DM

"Perfect. Also, I look forward to beating you at drunken Dr Mario in the near future."

@1:30 am DM to BH

"That's funny. I'm interested to see you beat me up Mount Rainier with Frank strapped to your back."

@ 1:33 am BH to DM

"I'll do it, and I'll drink two liters of knob creek along the way.

two ways of looking at things

POINT:

date: 03. 29.2009
from: BH
to: DM
re: let's push this baby to the limit

"Also, journey's greatest hits live is the most awesome drunk album of all time. Regardless of what pam or blake griffin say."

COUNTERPOINT:

date: 01.04.2009
from: CR
to: DM
re: i think i've hit the limit

"Oh god make the Journey stop."

somehow, that's not a cross street i am familiar with

date: 03.28.2009
from: SAS
to: DM
re: where are you?

"I'm at 72nd and drinking."

The harsh light of day reveals many things...

date: 03.29.2009
from: AM
to: DM
re: ewwww

"Just opened wallet for first time today. Things are sticky and in wrong places."