give in to the power of the vocoder

date: 09.04.2009
from: MY/DM
to: DM/MY
re: the AFC East

MY to DM @ 6:51 pm

"Way to fire the OC a week before the season, Jauron. Have fun with AVP!"

MY to DM @9:47 pm

"You better jump on the dolphins bandwagon before it fills up!"

DM to MY @9:50 pm

"well we know T-pain is already on board, at very least"

MY to DM @9:56pm

"He's a trend setter!"

creative ways to point out someone is late

date: 08.28.2009
from: AM
to: DM
re: hurry your ass up

"If I finish my drink before u get here that will make this 'drinking alone,' and I'll have to go to rehab...

i'll take commonly misused words for $400

date: 08.16.2009
from: AH
to: DM
re: appropriate usage of the word 'literally'

"We are literally stopped on the side of the interstate and Duff is pooping in the grass."

file under 'air travel, making it more exciting'

date: 06.17.2009
from: JMC
to: DM
re: i have, in fact, considered 'getting after it'

"Getting bombed at the L.A. Airport!"

the brainwashing is coming along, i see

date: 01.25.2009
from: PPF
to: DM
re: the proper use of larger containers

"I just saw a home depot bucket being used for something other than 'drunk punch.' Wtf?"

disney gets no love these days

date: 08.14.2009
from: SG
to: DM
re: my friends seem to agree it's at least somewhere in brooklyn...

"Fuck disney world. This is the most magical place on earth!"

i'm not entirely convinced by your theory about contactless payment chips

date: 08.03.2009

from: GMG

to: DM

re: eve totally bought the apple of knowledge with a visa card

"I nuked my amex earlier to destroy the mark of the beast. Tell the global credit illuminati that I'm on to them."

and you think you get down about YOUR job

date: 08/25/2009
from: LP
to: DM
re: my job is eating my life

@ 7:40pm

"I think I'm a corporate POW with a broken spirit"

@ 8:04pm

"I'm stuck at work because I'm a pathetic, pathetic pushover who exchanged my early 20s for the promise of a successful career. Damn that ambition!!"

@ 8:05pm

"Funemployment is sooooo much cooler."

@ 8:43pm

"I just nearly broke my finger packing up my office so I'm throwing in the towel -- work, you win today."

confusing sports metaphores about contraception and the stopping thereof

date: 08.23.2009
from: ET
to: DM
re: word on the street is that you and the missus have pulled the goalie (!?!?)

@ 3:44pm

"More like putting in a prevent defense against an unproven QB"

@ 5:14pm

"The wife corrected me. We're just putting in our third stringers."



note: i seriously have no idea what's going on here. are they trying to get pregnant or not? was she just sick of birth control? did they switch up regimes so she can get 'kinda pregnant'? i'm just baffled...

i'll take "great first dates" for $400

date: 06.13.09
from: Chu
to: DM
re: i love drinking

"I am so drunk I just vomd in the bathroom... I hope my date doesn't know"

jersey shore + beer + bike = great plan???

date: 06.06.2009
from: CM/DM
to: DM/CM
re: summer weekends are awesome

CM @ 4:11pm

"Omg bike bar crawl ooc (sic)... im at the 7th bar out of 14... ots gonna be disasterous."

DM @ 5:30pm

"Hahaha. Awesome. This can't end well."

DM @ 11:43pm

"So... anyone crash on your drunken bike adventure?"

CM @ 12:53pm (next day)

"i crashed"

DM @ 1:07

"Oh no! How bad?"

CM @ 1:36pm

"My chin is pretty bruised... some douchebag stopped short in front of me."

CM @ 1:47pm

"I'm a disgrace... it was prob one of the best days ever tho."

an aggressive start to the evening

date: 07.31.2009
from: SG
to: DM
re: how's your friday going?

"It's been a rough night already. Bleeding profusely from the leg as a result of dodgebeer and may or may not have a broken tailbone. Also already lost my underwear. Long story."

one can only assume scotch made a appearance at some point

date: 06.18.2009
from: DC
to: DM
re: file under "plans, questionable"

@ 10:30pm

"I just had a very rough workout, no dinner, and brought 200 dollars with me to a top shelf open bar night for which I shouldn't need a penny. No way this could turn out badly, right? Garson, another martini please!"

@ 1:38pm the following day

"I got to work at 11 today..."

was mickey mouse there too?

date: 06.20.2009
from: LP
to: DM
re: beer will trump the magical kingdom every time

"The Brooklyn Brewery has beat out Disney World as the happiest place on earth :)"

this fan is literally drunk

date: 04.11.2009
from: D.B. Reid, esq.
to: DM
re: this fan used to oscillate, it don't oscillate no more


"oscillated"

you can't hope to stop DM's vocab, you can only hope to contain it

date: 06.22.2009
from: SG
to: DM
re: words invading my lexicon

"I just used 'legit' twice in one conversation with my ceo. I blame you for this."

the least helpful outfit description ever

date: 06.26.2009
from: JMC
to: DM
re: can you help me figure out who i was dancing with last night?

"She was wearing some sort of flowing dress/skirt that may have been yellow. she maybe had a long sleeve top on. maybe. i don't know, man, help me out here."

tell us how you really feel about girls night out

date: 06.26.2009
from: AM
to: DM
re: it's been downhill since i took those shots at blind pig

@9:01pm

"3 questions: (1) why's mexican food so bad, (2) why r chicks so boring, and (3) how'd i get so drunk?"

@ 10:09pm

"Chicks... the usual... and the food's not good... and i'm bored... u?"

@ 10:11pm

"Aaaand now they've started talking about aerobics classes. uggghhh."

how to make soccer awesomer

date: 06.28.2009
from: GMG
to: DM
re: penalty kicks are a bullshit way to end important games

"The should do it like hockey -- keeping playing overtimes until someone scores or all the players die of dehydration"

note: i'm pretty sure he's not kidding... not that i disagree...

the right way to warm up for U.S. vs Brazil soccer

date: 06.28.2009
from: GMG
to: DM
re: why freedom is worth fighting for

@11:49am

"I just bourboned up my coffee. God bless america. And meat."

the type of text sure to motivate

date: 04.25.2009
from: CHu
to: DM
re: one way to get the evening started off right

"There are five drunk girls in my apartment"

despite evidence to contrary, it still seems like a good thing to give him booze

date: 04.08.2009
from: AM
to: DM
re: DB Reid is drunkenly ranting... again

@2:16am

"Reid just claimed that those who subscribe to the 'light the marshmellow on fire' school are douche-nozzles."

@2:25am

"Oh, and after that he launched into the prologue from Henry V."

good to know the cab driver has a variety of interests

date: 05.07.2007
from: AM
to: DM
re: things that make you question if you are going to actually arrive at your destination

@ 12:22 am

"My cabbie is talking about doing acid in thompkins square park"


@ 12:29am

"OMG the cabbie just gave me his acting coach's brochure"

god save the english language

date: 05.06.2009

from: DB Reid, esq.

to: DM

re: the conversion of the d.b. reid's vocab to that of a 17 year-old female is nearly complete

"I totes just ralphed."

well that explains why she's always carrying rope

date:05.10.2009

from: CHu

to: DM

re: so how'd the rest of your night go?

"Wrangled a drunk birthday girl. Wrangled a large southerner. Ate pizza. Passed out. The usual."