and you think you get down about YOUR job

date: 08/25/2009
from: LP
to: DM
re: my job is eating my life

@ 7:40pm

"I think I'm a corporate POW with a broken spirit"

@ 8:04pm

"I'm stuck at work because I'm a pathetic, pathetic pushover who exchanged my early 20s for the promise of a successful career. Damn that ambition!!"

@ 8:05pm

"Funemployment is sooooo much cooler."

@ 8:43pm

"I just nearly broke my finger packing up my office so I'm throwing in the towel -- work, you win today."

confusing sports metaphores about contraception and the stopping thereof

date: 08.23.2009
from: ET
to: DM
re: word on the street is that you and the missus have pulled the goalie (!?!?)

@ 3:44pm

"More like putting in a prevent defense against an unproven QB"

@ 5:14pm

"The wife corrected me. We're just putting in our third stringers."



note: i seriously have no idea what's going on here. are they trying to get pregnant or not? was she just sick of birth control? did they switch up regimes so she can get 'kinda pregnant'? i'm just baffled...

i'll take "great first dates" for $400

date: 06.13.09
from: Chu
to: DM
re: i love drinking

"I am so drunk I just vomd in the bathroom... I hope my date doesn't know"

jersey shore + beer + bike = great plan???

date: 06.06.2009
from: CM/DM
to: DM/CM
re: summer weekends are awesome

CM @ 4:11pm

"Omg bike bar crawl ooc (sic)... im at the 7th bar out of 14... ots gonna be disasterous."

DM @ 5:30pm

"Hahaha. Awesome. This can't end well."

DM @ 11:43pm

"So... anyone crash on your drunken bike adventure?"

CM @ 12:53pm (next day)

"i crashed"

DM @ 1:07

"Oh no! How bad?"

CM @ 1:36pm

"My chin is pretty bruised... some douchebag stopped short in front of me."

CM @ 1:47pm

"I'm a disgrace... it was prob one of the best days ever tho."

an aggressive start to the evening

date: 07.31.2009
from: SG
to: DM
re: how's your friday going?

"It's been a rough night already. Bleeding profusely from the leg as a result of dodgebeer and may or may not have a broken tailbone. Also already lost my underwear. Long story."

one can only assume scotch made a appearance at some point

date: 06.18.2009
from: DC
to: DM
re: file under "plans, questionable"

@ 10:30pm

"I just had a very rough workout, no dinner, and brought 200 dollars with me to a top shelf open bar night for which I shouldn't need a penny. No way this could turn out badly, right? Garson, another martini please!"

@ 1:38pm the following day

"I got to work at 11 today..."

was mickey mouse there too?

date: 06.20.2009
from: LP
to: DM
re: beer will trump the magical kingdom every time

"The Brooklyn Brewery has beat out Disney World as the happiest place on earth :)"

this fan is literally drunk

date: 04.11.2009
from: D.B. Reid, esq.
to: DM
re: this fan used to oscillate, it don't oscillate no more


"oscillated"

you can't hope to stop DM's vocab, you can only hope to contain it

date: 06.22.2009
from: SG
to: DM
re: words invading my lexicon

"I just used 'legit' twice in one conversation with my ceo. I blame you for this."

the least helpful outfit description ever

date: 06.26.2009
from: JMC
to: DM
re: can you help me figure out who i was dancing with last night?

"She was wearing some sort of flowing dress/skirt that may have been yellow. she maybe had a long sleeve top on. maybe. i don't know, man, help me out here."

tell us how you really feel about girls night out

date: 06.26.2009
from: AM
to: DM
re: it's been downhill since i took those shots at blind pig

@9:01pm

"3 questions: (1) why's mexican food so bad, (2) why r chicks so boring, and (3) how'd i get so drunk?"

@ 10:09pm

"Chicks... the usual... and the food's not good... and i'm bored... u?"

@ 10:11pm

"Aaaand now they've started talking about aerobics classes. uggghhh."

how to make soccer awesomer

date: 06.28.2009
from: GMG
to: DM
re: penalty kicks are a bullshit way to end important games

"The should do it like hockey -- keeping playing overtimes until someone scores or all the players die of dehydration"

note: i'm pretty sure he's not kidding... not that i disagree...

the right way to warm up for U.S. vs Brazil soccer

date: 06.28.2009
from: GMG
to: DM
re: why freedom is worth fighting for

@11:49am

"I just bourboned up my coffee. God bless america. And meat."

the type of text sure to motivate

date: 04.25.2009
from: CHu
to: DM
re: one way to get the evening started off right

"There are five drunk girls in my apartment"

despite evidence to contrary, it still seems like a good thing to give him booze

date: 04.08.2009
from: AM
to: DM
re: DB Reid is drunkenly ranting... again

@2:16am

"Reid just claimed that those who subscribe to the 'light the marshmellow on fire' school are douche-nozzles."

@2:25am

"Oh, and after that he launched into the prologue from Henry V."

good to know the cab driver has a variety of interests

date: 05.07.2007
from: AM
to: DM
re: things that make you question if you are going to actually arrive at your destination

@ 12:22 am

"My cabbie is talking about doing acid in thompkins square park"


@ 12:29am

"OMG the cabbie just gave me his acting coach's brochure"

god save the english language

date: 05.06.2009

from: DB Reid, esq.

to: DM

re: the conversion of the d.b. reid's vocab to that of a 17 year-old female is nearly complete

"I totes just ralphed."

well that explains why she's always carrying rope

date:05.10.2009

from: CHu

to: DM

re: so how'd the rest of your night go?

"Wrangled a drunk birthday girl. Wrangled a large southerner. Ate pizza. Passed out. The usual."

doing a two-beer funnel at a party thrown by the gays

date: 05.16.2009

from: Duff

to: DM

re: everyone was totally impressed when i added the second beer

"It was a feat that surpassed gay standards"

that's how you do it... that's how you give a talk about lawyer-ing

date: 05.26.2009

from: JD

to: DM

re: giving a talk about being a lawyer to 12th graders in the bronx

"Just crushed my guest appearance in Kevyn's class. Complete domination."

kickball night strikes again

date: 05.29.2009

from: Sas

to: DM

re: it's 8:31 in the god damn morning... i should soooo not be awake right now

"I think I left my self-respect on the floor at coppersmith's. I don't suppose you picked it up for me when you left..."

let's do this

date: 05.27.2009

from: SCo

to: DM

re: reunion is this weekend... be ready

"I just packed the American Honey.* Game on."

*American Honey is a type of bourbon made by wild turkey. GMG hates it for being too sweet, but the ladies love it.

inconvenient truths, drunkenly shared

date: 05.29.2009

from: ED

to: DM

re: the fact that the Tappan Zee bridge has outlived it's initial expected life-span

"I want you to know that every time I cross the Tappan Zee bridge I have a panic attack and it's all your fault."

what modern cell phone technology was created for

date: 03.14.2009
from: ET
to: DM (and others)
re: the things needed to make a marriage work


@9:33pm

“All – I want kfc and need your help. Please text my wife pleading for me to have kfc."

(note: It worked. KFC was purchased within 15 minutes.)

awesome on many levels

date: 04.03.2009
from: AM
to: DM
re: the Fordham Barrister’s Ball celebrations


"R u gonna pussy out on the afterparty like christina (sic) reid, or r u gonna have some balls?”