i hope he took most of that straight to the computing power graveyard

date: 12.28.2008
from: BH
to: DM
re: that's the last time i agree to help my mom move

"Today I moved one new laptop, three pentium 2 era computers, the oldest thinkpad I have ever seen, two printers, a fax machine, and a standalone word processor"

the greatest informercial item ever, totes for real

date: 01.25.2009
from: ET
to: DM
re: guess what's on MY mind right now

@ 1:27am

"shaaaaaaaaaammmmmm"

@ 1:28am

"wwwooooooooooowwwwwwwWWWWWW!!!!!!"

the way families actually spend the holidays

date: 12.26.2008
from: JA
to: DM
re: i mean, i miss the city and all, but this is kind of awesome

"Pizza Putt. Pizza, laser tag, and mini golf, all in one. How suburbucolic."

when airport-bound cab rides turn ugly

date: 12.05.2008
from: CHu
to: DM
re: last night's going away party just came flooding back

@ 11:48am

"Omg dougie, i am having bad memories of all those shots. And by memories i mean i am about to throw up out the cab window"

@ 11:56am

"God damn i think i am wah wah wasted"

breakfast of champions

date: 01.03.2009
from: LMc
to: DM
re: i bet it's not as awesome as mine...

"I started this morning with a G & T, and THEN Brian and I went to Stop'n'Shop to buy bacon! How's your day going?"

rumor is, it tastes like freedom

date: 01.26.2009
from: KM
to: DM
re: three great tastes that taste great when boozing

"Call the Grillmaster -- I am drinking bacon-infused bourbon with real maple syrup"

full-service, indeed

date: 01.24.2009
from: LP
to: DM
re: today's spa treatment got a little feisty

"Just got a massage -- fairly certain the chick intentionally felt me up. Would have been less weirded out had she not commented on how nice my breasts are! Nuts!"

new frontiers in alcoholic beverage sales and distribution

date: 01.10.2009
from: Sister
to: DM
re: we did a little shopping

"Magic Hat growler six pack -- best six pack ever!"

why you try not to wander away from the bar late at night

date: 01.11.2009
from: AM
to: DM
re: i left the bar ten minutes ago to find food...

@3:05 am

"i feelwincredibly (sic) stupid, but what's the name of the bar we're in?"

sunday drinking nicely warms the heart

date: 01.04.2009
from: EB
to: DM
re: i've had a few beers and am ready for the game

"Lather, rinse, repeat -- the shampoo effect is in... effect"

potent potables and oral traditions

date: 01.11.2009
from: Tadhog
to: DM
re: last night's contribution to both our society and to our friend group

"I'm glad you are on the job of getting people drunk. It's important in preserving our way of life!"

what happened to the writ of habeus corpus?

date: 01.11.2009
from: AM
to: DM
re: criminal accessory charges

"Dear Hangover, You are DM's fault. Go torture him and leave me in peace. xoxo, Amanda"

how many years did he spend at awesome medical school?

date: 01.11.2009
from: PPF
to: DM
re: medical doctors and their qualifications

"I dispute Matt's title as 'Dr. Awesome.' He can't even answer the question of why we get drunk quicker on an empty stomach!"

this might actually define the line between "sports" and "games"

date: 01.11.2009
from: SAS
to: DM
re: golf could stand to learn a thing or two

"Reason #476 why bowling is awesome: it is a sport that does not only encourage but practically requires that you drink before, during and after play."

well at least he's humble about it

date: 12.23.2008

from: JC

to: DM

re: i won the fantasy football league, chumps

"I am the champion, I am the champion, no time for losers because I am the champion... of the fumble fest!"

good question

date: 12.22.08

from: PPF

to: DM

re: despite drinking with you, i made it to the meadowlands and my team won!

"DM, how am I still wasted? Go giants!"

punctuation is for losers

date: 12.07.2008

from: SM

to: DM

re: the end of last night is a bit of a blur

@9:52 am

"Not sure how I got home woke up naked with all lights on and threw my nan's hand towel in the toilet -- I am a mess let me know if you want to hang out later"

@10:03 am

"Ps I'm still drunk and have a gold medal"

@ 10:58 am (re: what's the last thing you remember)

"Finnertys - I don't remember getting pizza, walking home, my apt, etc. I slept with all the lights on..."

@ 11:16 am

"Pps - it hurts to walk"

the holiday spirit abounds

date: 12.09.2008
from: LMc
to: DM
re: people on the streets with their happy attitudes and their requests for money are so pleasantly deluded


"Do I look like I want to save the children?!"

the man draws a crowd

date: 12.11.2008
from: NM
to: DM
re: i hear the food preparation staff at the Imperial Wegmans is fantastic

"Guess where mom and I went for lunch"





response:

date: 12.12.2008
from: SK
to: DM
re: i heard you had visitors at the cafe yesterday

"All the ladies come in for the eye candy..."

sometimes you just go a little too hard out of the blocks

date: 12.06.2008

from: C-meth

to: DM

re: I think I'm black-out drunk and need to go home; I'll see you tomorrow

A series of drunken texts, in six parts

-----------------------------

@12:05am

"Fmdrank" (sic)

-----------------------------

@12:06am

"Too much"

----------------------------

@12:07am

"Will see u Saturday."

-----------------------------

@12:38am

"Ptfo"

---------------------------

@12:39am

"Sorry wasted I"

-----------------------------

(and finally, the morning follow-up)

@7:40am

"I don't know how we got back home. I just remember flowing shots of tequila."

well, it was accurate

date: 11.22.2008
from: DC
to: DM
re: how to find me at the packed Cal bar

"We're downstairs. I'm the guy in the gay blue sweater."

threats i can handle

date: 11.23.2008
from: D.B.R, esq
to: DM
re: consider this your only warning about tonight's festivities

"Prepare to meet your maker's mark!"

i mean, she didn't say "no" at the time

date: 11.27.2008
from: PPF
to: DM
re: your late night bar suggestions last tuesday

"The next time you say the word 'shot,' i will slap you so hard you wind up in another dimension. Even if i'm not there, i will find out, build a time machine, and come back to get you. Happy Thanksgiving."

Reasons why drunken Food Network watching is good

date: 11.28.2008
from: BH
to: DM
re: menu for future millerstocks

"Just saw 'pulled turkey' on the food network. May have to introduce it at 2k9."

totally not a creepy text to get early in the morning

date: 09.14.2008
from: Ker-bear
to: DM
re: headed into DC to catch up and watch the marathon

"Loverboy... Wake up! I am coming to find you... just got to the metro..."

(note: in my head this came across in the voice of the crazy chick from wedding crashers)