well, it was accurate

date: 11.22.2008
from: DC
to: DM
re: how to find me at the packed Cal bar

"We're downstairs. I'm the guy in the gay blue sweater."

threats i can handle

date: 11.23.2008
from: D.B.R, esq
to: DM
re: consider this your only warning about tonight's festivities

"Prepare to meet your maker's mark!"

i mean, she didn't say "no" at the time

date: 11.27.2008
from: PPF
to: DM
re: your late night bar suggestions last tuesday

"The next time you say the word 'shot,' i will slap you so hard you wind up in another dimension. Even if i'm not there, i will find out, build a time machine, and come back to get you. Happy Thanksgiving."

Reasons why drunken Food Network watching is good

date: 11.28.2008
from: BH
to: DM
re: menu for future millerstocks

"Just saw 'pulled turkey' on the food network. May have to introduce it at 2k9."

totally not a creepy text to get early in the morning

date: 09.14.2008
from: Ker-bear
to: DM
re: headed into DC to catch up and watch the marathon

"Loverboy... Wake up! I am coming to find you... just got to the metro..."

(note: in my head this came across in the voice of the crazy chick from wedding crashers)

late night food cravings turn ugly sometimes

date: 10.03.2008
from: JA
to: DM
re: DM took last night's evening out as an excuse to sleep until noon

"God, I wish k (sic) could have fallen back asleep. I'm brain dead. And covered in spaghetti sauce, for some reason."

ahhh, hangovers

date: 09.20.2008
from: JA
to: DM
re: this morning and i are NOT playing nice together

"Why did you tie me down and put molasses in my brain last night? It was uncalled for."

well, he probably got the point across

date: 08.14.2008
from: SK
to: DM
re: i'm lucky i don't work in a corporate environment

"I pulled a 'douche' card on someone at work today. Appropriate?"

sometimes saturday morning just doesn't happen

date: 09.13.2008
from: ED
to: DM
re: i've felt better

@2:53pm

"Entering the world of the living slowly today... About to try eating food. This could be big. Enjoy the culture and drinks, let me know what's up later"

sometimes size does matter

date: 09.13.2008
from: CoMe
to: DM
re: you think doing car bombs @5pm in DC is impressive?


"I brought this to a house party... it's gonna get ugly"

who knew yankee stadium was full of idiots and assholes? (insert sarcasm)

date: 09.17.2008
from: KM
to: DM
re: once upon a time, four attractive females went to take in some baseball

"we are the most hated people here. we were told we were talking too loud, to sit down when we were trying to leave the row, that we were under 21, and some old asshole called clare a princess"

learning to work the iPhone... while drinking at a Yankees game

date: 09.17.2008
from: SM
to: DM
re: apparently i'm at the Yankee "library"... at least they still serve beer

@8:31pm

"Holy duck got yelled at at the game to be quiet because I was giving the girls updates on the drama."


@8:32pm

"I mean fuck"


@10:13pm

"Drunk Kate got called a go me (sic) loud clare a princess and jen superman. multiple fights all aroundp (sic)"

@10:13pm

"Kate was called a go"

@10:14pm

"Hoe I hate this phone drink"

note: I think she was trying to clarify that Kate got called a "hoe," not a "go me." As for the rest of this sentence, I have no idea.


@10:17pm

"Go p"


@10:25pm

"J"

conform to my whims, dammit!

date: 09.17.2008
from: SM
to: DM
re: just finished the yankees game, i'll come join you if you're out drinking

@10:54pm

"You are too far you suckp"


@11:12pm

"You suck too late I had pizza. Alone" (note: SM apparently does not like punctuation. Ever.)


@11:27

"no you suck end of story"


@11:37pm

"Shut up you jerk I rock at the iphone"

there's no abuse like misspelled drunken abuse

date: 09.06.2008
from: KFC
to: DM
re: you might need to work out some kinks in our fantasy league

"Im drtnk, imO smoking-& ur a bad commssione7"

(note: all sic. seriously.)

excuse me sir, you're drooling. again.

date: 02.22.2008
from: Sailor
to: DM
re: our day trip to princeton really escalated quickly

@9:32pm

"$1 Miller Highlifes own me."
............................................................
follow-up picture text sent by JA @10:45pm

i guess that's why we all scream for it

date: 07.18.2008
from: CHu
to: DM
re: i don't think i'm gonna be able to make it out tonight


"I just ate too much ice cream to be seen in public."

important things about Rochester

date: 07.30.2008
from: Duck
to: DM
re: i decided to try a local delicacy for lunch

"Fact: white hot garbage plates are legit. Query: is Corn Hill legit?"

turns out pork "butt" is actually a cut of meat from a pig's shoulder...

date: 07.31.2008
from: BH
to: DM
re: ms2k8 preparations

"I just ordered a 'master case' of pork butt."

unexpected dime-dropping from cherry creek

date: 08.02.2008
from: MY, md
to: DM
re: looks like it's time you learned the whole sordid truth...

"Sky's a communist."

sunday funday sounded like a good idea at the time

date: 07.28.2008
from: DM/Sailor
to: Sailor/DM
re: oh god, what were we doing out until 3am last night...

@ 8:36 am from Sailor to DM

"I'm a mess"

@ 8:49 am from DM to Sailor

"Ditto"

@ 9:36am from Sailor to DM

"I can't see straight... literally"

@ 9:38am from DM to Sailor

"I dropped my ice coffee on the ground in Dunkin Donuts. I couldn't handle it, so I just left. I can't go back there for a while."

@ 9:40am from Sailor to DM

"Omg... thats (sic) amazing. I took my shower this morning sitting down."

@ 12:19pm from DM to Sailor

"There's thirty percent chance I vomit in the next five minutes"

Note: Damn we're a classy bunch...

kitchen games are fun, but remember to check on your roommate's plans

date: 07.28.2008
from: LP
to: DM
re: didn't see that one coming

"I'm fairly certain i just walked in on my roommate having sex. I'm just thankful it wasn't doggie style..."

hide the children

date: 07.25.2008
from: NM
to: DM
re: dicey fashion decisions by quasi-family members

"look what i found"

just another day in the life of an insurance salesman

date: 07.25.2008
from: EB
to: DM
re: i'm not gonna make it to the bar

@10:44pm

"I'm gonna have to call douche on myself for getting hammered at lunch and being hung over right now..."

things not to tell your boys

date: 07.26.2008
from: JMC
to: DM, ML, and others
re: yeah, i just ghosted from the bar

"My fucking tits are killing me. It is clear to me that I don't drink or eat fatty foods till they're gone."

the only possible response to the above post

date: 07.26.2008
from: ML
to: JMC
re: heh heh heh

"You will now respond to a new code name: bitchtits. See you tomorrow."